Message from Sunday, September 15, 2024
The Rev. Megan Collins
Do you like to travel? Dave and I love to travel. We have been so, so lucky to have had amazing opportunities to travel with our kids all around the country and to even take a couple of international trips over the past few years. When we get home I love to look back through the photos we took when we were traveling, to remember the gorgeous scenery or that one amazing meal or the interesting people we met along the way.
One of the first big trips we took as a family was a ten thousand mile road trip around the country. Our kids were younger then (they were in elementary school). On a side note to parents, travel really does get better when your kids get older. A friend of mine recently travled with her young kids and she came home exhausted. It was still just parenting, in a new location, without all the stuff she needed for them. On our last trip with our now adult sons, we drank prosecco together in a vineyard. It gets better.
On that first big trip around the country, I learned that some days are amazing when you are on a journey. You camp in the redwood forest. You scramble up cliffs in the Badlands. But I also found that there are the days that you don’t take pictures of to remember. There was the night we woke up and found that our tent had three inches of water in it, and it was rising fast. There was the day we spent hours stuck in the tunnel outside of New York City, in stop and go traffic, on a hill, in a stick shift car. These are the things we didn’t put in the scrapbook. Along the way, as you travel, there are good days and bad days, high moments and low moments. Some days you wake up to a sweeping vista and a gorgeous sunrise. Other days, your tent is flooded and everything is wet. Maybe we should share more of those stories from when we travel, because it’s all a part of the trip. That’s not any different than our regular lives at home. We have really good days, and then some days when everything is underwater, but all of it is a part of our story, a part of who we are.
We’re in a new sermon series, Odyssey that we just started last week. We’re looking at our lives like an odyssey, a journey, an adventure. (It's also the name of the old minivan you’ll see in our sermon graphics). During the series, we’ll be spending three weeks talking about our past, where we have already been in this adventure of our lives. Then we’ll spend three weeks looking at where we are now, and we’ll end with three weeks on where we go next. Each week we’ll talk about how we make sense of all of it, the ups and the downs, the good days and the bad days, through the lens of our faith. This is week two in talking about the past. So today, I’d like to talk about regret.
Regret is the worst, isn’t it?
It’s like disappointment, in that with both regret and disappointment things didn’t work out the way you wanted, which is tough. But regret has one one important difference from disappointment. With disappointment, you were dealt a bad hand, and the outcome wasn’t what you hoped for. It wasn’t anything you could have done differently, just bad luck. That’s disappointment.
With regret, things didn’t work out the way you wanted them to, just like dissapointment.
But here’s the difference: you know it’s your fault.
That’s so much worse! Not only did things not go the way you wanted them to, but there is no one to blame but yourself.
Some kinds of regret are the things you should have done, but didn’t.
Maybe you have regrets from a time you weren't responsible or wise or smart about something. You got a little lazy or distracted and put off something important.
“If only I had been prepared” things would have turned out differently.
Maybe you have regret from a time you didn’t do something, not because you were lazy but because you were afraid. You were worried about what people would think or just didn’t think you could do it. “If only I had taken that chance."
Maybe you have regrets about ways you have neglected people in your life.
“If only I had reached out, if only I had told them how much they meant to me."
These are the regrets of the things we didn’t do. Then there are the other ones, and these can be especially painful. The other kind of regrets are for the things you did, that you shouldn’t have. These regrets really work their way in and cause us pain. These are the ways you screwed it up. You did the thing you knew you shouldn’t do. If only I had done the right thing, if only I hadn’t said that.
Regret really gets a hold on us. It keeps us tethered to these painful times in our past. It’s not healthy for us. But I’m not going to tell you today to just let go of those regrets. I’m not going to say you should just release it.
Here’s why: regret serves one important purpose.
There is one thing regret can do that can actually change your life, for the better.
If we let it do this one thing, when we embrace this regret and let it serve its purpose, then you will actually be able to get it out of your life.
One thing you’ll hear Dave and I both say is that our problems aren’t new problems. A lot of the things we struggle with are just a part of being human, so these problems have been around since humans have been around. Tegret is definitely one of those things. As long as there have been people, there has been regret, all the way back to the stories about Adam and Eve.
Today, let’s talk about Peter. Peter was one of Jesus’ disciples, which means he was one of the people closest to Jesus. He had traveled with him. He had seen him do miracles. He had heard all of his teachings. Peter was about as close as you could get to Jesus. In this point in the story, Jesus had just been arrested. Let’s read from the gospel of Luke:
Luke 22:54 Then they seized him and led him away, bringing him into the high priest’s house. But Peter was following at a distance. When they had kindled a fire in the middle of the courtyard and sat down together, Peter sat among them. Then a servant-girl, seeing him in the firelight, stared at him and said, ‘This man also was with him.’
Peter and the disciples had been right there with Jesus when he was teaching and healing people, so of course he was recognized as a disciple. In some ways, Peter’s life had been leading up to this moment. He had been there for the exciting stuff with Jesus. What would he do now, when things got tough? What would he do on this tough day?
But he denied it, saying, ‘Woman, I do not know him.’
Okay, everyone makes mistakes. Maybe he just a had a momentary lapse of faith?
A little later someone else, on seeing him, said, ‘You also are one of them.’ But Peter said, ‘Man, I am not!’
Not looking good Peter. But still, maybe he didn’t mean it?
Then about an hour later yet another kept insisting, ‘Surely this man also was with him; for he is a Galilean.’ But Peter said, ‘Man, I do not know what you are talking about!’
Oh Peter. Really doubling down on this denial thing.
At that moment, while he was still speaking, the cock crowed. The Lord turned and looked at Peter.
Then Jesus looked at him. Oh no. What had he done? And Jesus had seen him do it?
Then Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said to him, ‘Before the cock crows today, you will deny me three times.’
We know where this story is headed for Jesus. We know what they did to criminals. It was one thing to hear Jesus talk about what would happen, but to see him get arrested? Peter is afraid. (Of course he is - wouldn’t you be?) He panics and suddenly all of his convictions and beliefs go out the window. Three times he denies Jesus . . . while Jesus looks right at him.
62 And he went out and wept bitterly.
There it is, regret. Peter is full of regret. Can’t you feel that pain, that regret at hurting someone you loved? At not doing the right thing when times got tough? At giving in to your fear?
But regret is not the end of Peter’s story.
Remember how I told you earlier that regret does one really important thing for you?
That there is one thing regret can do that can actually change your life for the better?
And that, when we embrace regret to do this one thing, then we can let it go?
Let’s fast forward a bit in Peter’s story. Peter lets his fear get the best of him and denies knowing Jesus, then Jesus dies, crucified on the cross, like a criminal. Can you imagine Peter’s regret at that point? Then, as we know, God does something that will change the course of Peter’s life, and our lives too. Jesus rises from the dead. It is the risen Jesus that then has this conversation with Peter:
When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?’ He said to him, ‘Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Feed my lambs.’ A second time he said to him, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me?’ He said to him, ‘Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Tend my sheep.’He said to him the third time, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me?’ Peter felt hurt because he said to him the third time, ‘Do you love me?’ And he said to him, ‘Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Feed my sheep.
Peter, the one who had denied Jesus three times, looks right into the eyes of Jesus and is forgiven. He is not only forgiven, but invited to try again. This time, instead of denying Jesus, would he face his fear? Would he go share Jesus’ story? Yes. Peter, the one who denied Jesus, goes on to preach the gospel to anyone who will listen.
Regret has one important purpose.
It’s a purpose that can actually change your life for the better.
Ready?
Regret leads to repentance.
Regret and repentance are really close. Both regret and repentance start with that feeling of “Uh oh. I messed this up.” But regret stops there, with the feeling of failure. Regret makes you feel bad for the things you did wrong, or the things you didn’t do when you should have.
But then you have this choice: Push that regret down and try to ignore it, or let that feeling push you toward God.
Like Peter, when regret brings you to God, you can find the forgiveness for whatever you have done, whatever that thing is that you regret. Having faced the mess you made, you are given the chance to do it differently this time. It won’t erase the past. But it will free you from the hold it has on you. Peter couldn’t go back in time and not deny Jesus. But he could do it differently, starting now.
Regret on its own serves no purpose for you.
But regret that leads to repentance will change your life, for the better.
What are your regrets?
When were you not prepared or did you not see something through?
When did you not take the chance because you were afraid?
When did you not reach out to that person in your life?
When did you screw it up? When did you say the wrong thing?
Now let yourself sit in that feeling for a minute. (I know it’s gross. But stay there, for a second).
Now you have a choice. Your first option is to try and shove that regret down and ignore it while it eats you alive - and It will eat you alive.
Peter wasn’t the only one who was close to Jesus and then, when the time came, did the wrong thing. Judas did too.
Judas, like Peter, was very close to Jesus.
Judas, like Peter, had seen all of his teachings and his miracles and his love and compassion. Judas, like Peter, did the wrong thing when the time came.
Judas, like Peter, was full of regret.
Judas tried to undo what he had done, but he couldn’t. It was too late, and it ruined him. Peter and Judas both had regret. But Peter went to Jesus. There he found the grace that could relieve him, and the mission that would restore him. Judas took his regret to the other people. He even admitted what he had done. Here is what they said: “What is that to us? See to it yourself” It's not our problem, Judas. You got yourself into this, you’ll get yourself out.
You can’t always fix the stuff you have messed up.
You can’t take back what you said.
You can’t undo the harm you have caused.
You can’t go back in time and say something when you should have, or do something you should have done then.
The people in your life can’t do these things for you either. They can’t fix your regret.
But Jesus can.
When regret leads to repentance,
Jesus can forgive you, free you from the hold your past has on you.
Jesus can change you, can give you a new direction in your life.
2 Corinthians 7:10 says "For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation and brings no regret, but worldly grief produces death."
That’s what Peter did He felt regret from denying Jesus, but when he came face to face again with him, He received grace. Then he tried again, and this time, it went a lot differently. Jesus changed his life. This is the purpose regret can serve. It can lead you to repent, to make a change. It can bring you to God. It can change your life. I’d like to close with this quote from Frederick Beuchner, and I would like to invite you read it responsively with me.
“I AM INCLINED to believe that God’s chief purpose in giving us memory is to enable us to go back in time so that if we didn’t play those roles right the first time round, we can still have another go at it now.
We cannot undo our old mistakes or their consequences
any more than we can erase old wounds that we have both suffered and inflicted, but through the power that memory gives us of thinking, feeling, imagining our way back through time
we can at long last finally finish with the past in the sense of removing its power to hurt us and other people and to stunt our growth as human beings.
The sad things that happened long ago will always remain part of who we are just as the glad and gracious things will too, but instead of being a burden of guilt, recrimination, and regret that make us constantly stumble as we go,
even the saddest things can become, once we have made peace with them, a source of wisdom and strength for the journey that still lies ahead.
It is through memory that we are able to reclaim much of our lives that we have long since written off by finding that in everything that has happened to us over the years
God was offering us possibilities of new life and healing which, though we may have missed them at the time, we can still choose and be brought to life by and healed by all these years later.”
May it be so, with us.
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